posted by Kimberly Collins, July 20 2013
Welp, here I am! I arrived stateside from Chile June 25th, spent a whirlwind five days at home in Indianapolis, moved into Holland the 30th, and am just about to complete my second week here. To be honest, the transition has been much rougher than expected. It’s not that I do not want to be here; it’s just an awful lot of changing. I really love working on the farm—being connected to the earth and to my food, having to toil to eat, baking outside in the sun, getting to help make something good grow, both in the ground and in the community. I like doing manual labor, I like being tired after work, I like waking up with the sun and starting every morning with prayer. I like getting to eat good food and work alongside such quality people. I like the repetitive, mindless work that provides space for deep, necessary thinking and good, good conversation.
Although the people are wonderful and the work is properly exhausting and rewarding, I am just weary. So many transitions. I made a list of all the places/communities I’ve lived in during the past six months and it is dizzying. At first, coming here was almost nauseating, thinking of growing roots and then saying another goodbye in a month and a half. I’ve been planted and uprooted so many times lately I was doubting there was any more space left in my heart to do it again. But this community is a dang special one, and I am so thankful to make these people mine. I confessed to them my struggles and exhaustion, and they have been loving me so undeservedly well. Just when I thought there wasn’t any room left, here they go wiggling their way into my heart.
In our book discussion last week we were talking about how a lot of people lack imagination of what life together could look like, they settle for life at a distance, they lack hope that it can be beautiful again, and they believe that sometime in the past was the best it will ever be.
That thought blessed and calmed me immensely. Yes, my transitions have been trying and heartbreaking, but they have stretched my imagination, they have showed me the possibilities of how beautiful life together can be, and they give me hope for my life still to come.
And although my back has ached the last week straight, and I had a pretty intense breakdown last Monday regarding the whole planting/uprooting thing, and I spilled some fish gut juice on myself while wearing the ninja turtle backpack filled with it, I also am laughing a lot, and having wholesome conversations, and eating fresh glistening produce, and already feeling like my roots are growing down deep in this community. I am so thankful that these people love me when I am confused and grumpy and tired and my spirit is heavy, and that they help me imagine the beauty of life with others. I am thankful to be able to grow my roots deep in this place, and that our days here are stretching our imagination and filling us with immense hope for what life together can look like. And for now, I am so glad to be planted here, doing life with these people, in this neck of the woods.